Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be free of a habit you no longer desired? Or an action you recognized as holding you back? Like procrastination or perfectionism for example? As someone who has lived with both perfectionism AND procrastination for most of my adult life, I can tell you I always envied those who could make a decision about something and then follow through with the actions necessary to get things done! Without delay.
As a Subconscious Behaviorist, I was familiar with the battle I could be up against as Homeostasis, that innate drive to remain the same, might raise its head and try lassoing me into coming back into my Comfort Zone! Probably kicking and screaming. I came by my perfectionism by way of inheritance I think. My mother often demanded it of us. As the oldest of three, I can honestly say I am not alone. Each of my brothers is also perfectionists in their own right. I’m not sure about the procrastination, but often where there is one, there is the other.
But, while I was employed with the United States Government, I discovered a whole new level of perfectionism existed within me and with it, came a level of procrastination that was a by-product of my body receiving an “excited” boost of adrenaline as I became more adept at working “on the edge.” In other words, much of the work I did while with the US Government as a Foreign National was always teetering on the edge of time constraints calling for an immediate response to a last-minute requirement or task needing attention. My desk was one of the few that always had a high-level workload flowing to it. I thrived on the rush of demand, and when I no longer worked in that environment, my body still craved the “rush” and expected it and so, I obliged by leaving things until the very last moment! I think that was when my procrastinating nature really hit the road and after I was no longer an employee, I continued to look for ways to gain that level of adrenaline rush at almost every turn. Thus, the plunge into procrastination HELL. The difference, however, was that I was no longer moving forward. I wasn’t driven to react with immediacy. Instead, I was allowing myself to fall into a false sense of safety and security.
Then along came August 16, 2016
My decision to become an Experi-mentor arrived in an unexpected way — while sitting at my home office desk staring out the windows at the beautiful mid-August summer day. It struck me suddenly that I’d wasted so many years allowing myself to hold me held back. By fear of what might be, or by who might say what about me if I stepped out of the shadows. I worried about how the world may receive me if I actually began to speak out about what I believed in AND what I am passionate about. I realized that beautiful summer morning that I was my OWN worst critic allowing me to wallow in the shadows because I was fearful to actually step out into the light of the World and SHINE the way I was meant to. Instead, I was allowing others, who probably didn’t even realize it, to dictate my worth and with that, dictate whether or not I showed up ever, or at all.
This realization took a little while actually to sink in. I was living my life from the basis that others would see me as “less than perfect,” or they might see me as someone who was acting as “someone she was not!” There were other levels of that same train of thought that came to the surface that morning and instead of sweeping them to the side and accepting them as truth that day, I decided I was done with them! I was also done with living this small scale life and fearing the act of sounding my trumpet — my voice. I made a decision that morning that I still often marvel at. I decided I was done hiding. I was done being invisible. Or, meek and mild when it came to what I am about, what I believe in and what I desire to bring to the World. I can tell you my heart did a few flips that day as I realized I was serious about this decision, but I also felt the rush of adrenaline that flooded my body and my brain as I acknowledged that I knew there was no turning back. The decision was made and come Hell or High Water, I was going to make it a reality.
But first, I had to get out of my own DAMN way!
That didn’t prove to be quite the challenge I’d anticipated! As a Subconscious Behaviorist, I was familiar with the battle I could be up against as Homeostasis, that innate drive to remain the same, might raise its head and try lassoing me into coming back into my Comfort Zone! So, I thought the issue over for a short period and came to the conclusion that the Unconscious mind is doing for us what it feels is in our best interest at all times, whether we see that as a good thing or not. But, it also equates change with PAIN. Actually, anything that our Unconscious believes is an unknown is considered painful including positive changes such as expanding our horizons, quitting smoking, changing our diet, etc. I knew I didn’t want my Unconscious to drag me back into my comfort zone, so I needed a way to “trick” it just enough to allow me to create changes in my life without alerting it to the fact that I was actually changing. Then, the idea struck me. Why not act as though it was an experiment? Experiments are simply fact-finding missions. Testing the waters to see what is possible, determining if it’s possible, noting the outcome and then deciding whether or not the experiment has been successful or not. I figured that by the time my Unconscious was wise to what I was doing, the change, whatever was necessary, would already be implemented and that would be half my battle. The rest would be up to me deciding whether I wanted to continue that change or not. I decided to find out if this was a way to bypass my Unconscious enough to allow for Homeostasis to take a back seat and rest for a while! As the plan came together, I got a sense that I was going to not only discover the power of becoming an Experi-Mentor of my life but that I was going to enjoy the opportunity to be the Architect of it as well! As long as I could keep my Unconscious happy, I believed I’d succeed.
And, boy! The things I discovered along the way! Continue to read more about my journey in my article, Step through your Comfort Zone
